JSAIS: In my opinion, I know we all have one,,,,but I have a few….. I feel it’s time to start looking closely at the ideas we have been hammered with over the years, the ones we try so hard to live up to, and if we fall short feel that we have failed. The myth of marriage, nothing is wrong with marriage, it’s a beautiful thing, but let’s face it ladies, you cannot put your life in your husband’s hands. Studies show the majority of black women with HIV are married. Being married does not mean you have to have unprotected sex. Ladies no longer can you put your lives in your husband’s hands and vice versa………..Trust your gut don’t trust your heart. Make him wrap it up!!
Real talk, when I first moved to Philly, I hung out with a “down-low” brother, who confided in me about is lifestyle. We were great friends because right off the bat I told him I knew he was gay. He respected my honesty, and as I said before, we became fast friends… Platonic friends that is. I learned so much from this brother, and I thank him for his openness, he cared enough about me to be brutally honest. This man only dated married men; he said “all of my male friends have been married.” I was able to witness this first hand, that’s why I had to part friendship with the brother, his lifestyle was too dark, I did not want to associate with it. Nothing wrong with being openly gay, but this man lived a deceitful, harmful lifestyle. I’m getting off the subject; I learned from this brother that most of the men he dealt with had a problem with their sexuality, that’s why they hid behind marriage. They found it easy to find a wife because women are so desperate to get married that they/we ignore the signs. Sometimes not very obvious, but always there. Most of the time after things come to light, we always remember something, that we knew wasn’t right, but ignored it anyway. Of course all married men are not on the down-low. There are good black men out there, I know some. But you don’t have to be on the down-low to step outside of a marriage, this goes for men and women alike. It happens, a lot!
Life is not a fairy tale, time to be real with ourselves, our lives, and our individual situations.
I think we should rethink the institution of marriage, Tina said it best “what does love have to do with it.” Of course there are great love stories, great marriages that last forever, but on the real how many do you know? I think people should get married for practical reasons, the bible says it best, that it’s better not to marry unless your body burns with lust…..um, something like that. I advocate marriage because AIDs is on the rise, with the distinct agreement, that we take care of each other’s needs. I know some say that’s what marriage is about, but evidently it has not been……….men/women cheat! The hell with having an understanding, get it in writing, just a thought.
Ladies the information is out there, if we find ourselves caught out, we don’t have anyone to blame but ourselves. We have to demand and be aggressive about our lives, about what we want, about what we stand for and what we will not stand for. It’s a hard world out here, but it’s a always a beautiful life,,,,,Our circumstance, our situations, are directly related to the choices we make. Choose life sis, make his ass wrap it up!!!